The things you regret ...

Have you ever said something to your child in anger (or jest) that you just simply regret saying? I did this last night and it has made me think of how ironic it is that the people in your life that you would lay down and die for are often the ones who get that short end of your personality stick.

Last night bedtime came after a long day, by 8 o'clock I had gone to work, attended a wake, and had an impromptu dinner party with my sister and her family followed by a visit from my parents who came for dessert. Really it was a good day (even the wake was good because it was people coming together to share good memories), so I don't know why I decided to end it with a freak-out, something that, regrettably, is not all that uncommon when I am over-tired.

Once everyone had gone home and the kitchen was clean, there we were: monkey girl, the little dude and mommy all snug as bugs in my bed reading stories, and then it happened ... misbehaving by the kidlets followed by nothing less than a tantrum courtesy of mommy.

When I think of it now, it was not the end of the world that they chose picking at each other over listening to the stories, but at the time I was furious and said something to the effect of, "If you would rather your dad just put you to bed and skip time with mommy altogether that is fine by me ... WHY DON'T YOU TWO EVER LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER?????"

Before it was even out of my mouth I desperately wanted to take it all back, but there I was saying it anyway. You see the kids had spent the night with Nana and Papa over the weekend and had desperately missed their daddy (and no I did not forget to type and mommy) and even though my intelligent self knows that I am 32 and they are 3 and 6 ... my less intelligent and more emotional self was quite hurt that they didn't miss their mommy (and no I did not forget to type too). As much as I love my husband and agree that he is indeed a wonderful father, it turns out that I am quite selfish and wanted to be the MOST missed during our evening apart.

With all of that background information you are probably now acutely aware of the fact that my asking my sweet (though mischievous) children if they wanted their dad to just put them to bed was a form of punishment for not missing me more ... I know what you are thinking ... you are not a supermom at all (and I agree).

Now, I know that I can't be too hard on myself for saying something out of turn, but the problem is that once you say something it is out there. My kids may not even remember that I was petty and immature last night, but I do, and I have taken it upon myself to spend the next four days (in hopes of forming a habit - see vacation bedtimes post for explanation) to closely filter the things that pop up in my brain before allowing them to exit my mouth.

When my sisters and brother and I were accused of being meanies as children my dad would ask us: " Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" and if what we had said was not all three of these things then chances were that we shouldn't have said it at all.

As annoying as those questions were as a child, it turns out that they may just be words to live by. Imagine how the world would change if we all thought about the things that we said before we said them, instead of counting on a chance to ask for forgiveness later.

In the end, I did apologize to my kids and explained (AGAIN) that pinching each other when mommy is reading is not good storytime behaviour, and this morning we were all up and ready for a new day at 6:15 a.m., but on this new day I am grateful for all of the wonderful blessings in my life - and even when those blessings pinch and jump and interrupt I will take it with a grain of salt and remember to ask my dad's famous questions before misbehaving myself.