First of all I should probably explain the sports reference to my non-sports fan readers ... shooting for 500 refers to winning 1/2 of your games ... keep reading and it should make more sense.
So, I found myself back in a shopping environment with monkey girl and the little dude a few nights ago. We started out by making a deal that if they, my kids, were well-behaved in Michael's (the giant craft store) that we would spend some time in the toy section when we went to Zellers to get monkey girl tights for dance class. Our craft store experience went surprisingly well, with the exception of a hip hop routine performed in the aisle where "all things breakable" live, so the toy section plan was still a go for our next stop.
We walked two stores down and entered Zellers a happy little family, later on I found myself wishing that I could travel back in time to that moment because the happiness ended about 20 paces into the store in front of the Hannah Montana accessory display. Monkey girl, who isn't really old enough to sit through and actually enjoy an entire episode of Hannah Montana, decided this summer that she LOVES Hannah Montana (which she demonstrated on holidays with a week long stint in a t-shirt bearing the teen-star's image). Bearing this in mind it makes sense that she was immediately drawn to the display which was stocked with several earring and necklace sets with guitars and little rhinestones on them ... now I agree that it was cute stuff, but I had NO intention of bringing any of it home with us. Monkey girl, on the other hand, had other plans. Just looking quickly turned into wanting an earring set and when I pointed out that she does not have pierced ears, things went downhill, fast. So there we were, less than two minutes after our entrance as a happy family, and I was surrounded by a distraught toddler, from whom I had to pry the earrings, and a little dude who just wanted his sister to stop crying so that he could look at the toys.
Then before I knew it I was saying, in a very stern voice, "IF YOU DO NOT STOP CRYING IN THREE SECONDS WE ARE LEAVING ... 1, 2, 3!!!" (I am famous for this annoying counting tactic) It was one of those situations where I regretted saying the words before they were even out of my mouth because I really needed to buy the tights that night to be prepared for the next day's class (the thing about working downtown is that there are not many places to buy size 4 capri tights at lunch - there should be, but there's not and I know because, out of necessity, I checked!!!)
In any case, at the end of three seconds the crying had not stopped, and I was faced with the decision to either stick to my guns, or back down and finish the shopping trip as planned. I did a quick take of the surrounding area and noticed that there was at least one other mother with her child listening to our interaction (the others had left the section quickly ... likely covering their ears to block out the screaming, or running for fear that monkey girl's behaviour was contagious and might spread to their own, quieter children) With the pressure of a fellow mother as my spectator being top of mind ... I picked up monkey girl, tried to avoid looking into the disappointed face of the little dude (who really deserved to look at the toys) and left the store ... tightless. After a quick attempt to escape (she actually made it back in through the first set of automatic doors ... if wiggling at lightning speed ever becomes an Olympic sport I have a star in-waiting) we got into the truck and began our trip out of the mall parking lot with: one child pouting, one child bawling and one mother wishing that she was a time traveler (I am currently reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger - great book!)
I had to make one more stop at 7-11 to get some stamps and bought the little dude a piece of beef jerky as a peace offering for letting him down ... monkey girl was still crying uncontrollably (actually her persistence is kind of impressive in hindsight) and as a result two police officers watched me very closely and the store clerk offered her chocolate (apparently they did not have children of their own or they would have been giving the stink-eye to monkey girl ... the real crime was that my ears were ringing and the little dude did not get what he earned, not that monkey girl did not get pierced earrings for her unpierced ears).
All's well that ends well ...
A small miracle occurred a few blocks away from 7-11 ... the crying stopped and monkey girl said, "I -sniff- love you Mommy, and I love Hannah -sniff- Montana". So ridden with "mother's-guilt" I stopped at the last corner store on the way to our house and bought her a small sour gecko.
This is what I mean by shooting for 500 - I stopped myself from making another empty threat (something that I have often been guilty of doing) but the sweetness of my monkey girl, once she had morphed back into normalacy, won me over in the end and she ended up with a treat. **insert sigh here
As a result of this experience I have made a short list of "threats" not to make unless you plan on following through, as a bonus I have also included some alternate solutions:
When at a place that you plan on staying, don't say ... we are going to leave if you keep that up!
(I have done this many times at family dinners or BBQs and I don't think we have ever actually left)
Alternate solution (for young kids): I have started giving time outs in the car. I buckle the culprit into their seat and then stand outside the car until the tantrumming stops - it is quick and effective (for my kids) and removes them from the situation so other people can continue to enjoy the event.
At the dinner table, don't say ... if you don't eat all of your dinner you are not getting anything else tonight!!!
Chances are you are not going put an eating ban into place if it turns out that your child really is hungry later.
Alternate solution: If this happens often and the child eats some of their meal maybe they just need smaller portions or if it is just occasionally ask the child to eat a certain amount of everything on his or her plate and then if they are hungry later limit them to a small healthy snack.
When your child has earned a reward, don't threaten to take it away before they have even had time to enjoy it.
This is a tough one because, as parents, we are often looking for something that will have impact when mentioned, but if your child has legitimately earned something through hard work and perserverance just to have it taken away for some small misstep, you are running the risk of negating the life lesson that they have learned by working for something. There is likely another tactic or another item that they enjoy without a lesson attached to it that would be equally effective if taking something away is what works for your child.
Keep in mind I have come to this advice by learning the hard way.
Well that is all for now ... happy trails in your parenting adventures this weekend! We will be trying to build a fence with a monkey and a dude as part of the work crew ... I am sure there will be stories to share when we are through :o)
PS I went to Co-op grocery shopping the night after the Hannah Montana Earring Debachle and monkey girl was an absolute angel ... the only thing that we could have skipped was when she sat down in the middle of the store to bite her toenails, but hey she may as well do it while she doesn't realize how gross it is and she is flexible enough to get her feet in her mouth!
No comments:
Post a Comment